A Synonym for Sleazy
by MyGoldenGlow
Summary: Spoilers for 1.07. What happens when everything you thought you knew about someone is a lie? Annie reflects on Auggie, Ben, and Liza Hearn. Now with Auggie's POV
1. Sleazy

**Disclaimer : I don't own Covert Affairs, :( **

**Spoilers: 1.07, Communication Breakdown **

**Because Annie clearly didn't like Auggie's way of handling the Liza Hearn situation  
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She feels like she's looking at another person. That tousled hair, that smile, those shirts, it's all so familiar, and yet so foreign. It isn't the secret that bothers her. It isn't the ex girlfriend or even, if she's being honest, the crazy, rebellious night time train ride escapade (although she could have done without the drama and the doubt).

No, the thing she hates is that every time she sees Auggie, the friend, she sees another person just underneath the surface: Ben, the seducer, who uses women for sex without a second thought. It's strange – she never really thought she'd ever feel anything but hatred and disgust for Liza Hearn, but now here she is identifying with her. And it's not like she can tell Auggie that she thinks what he's doing is wrong when she does a similar thing to people every day, but it feels different, to be on this end of the string pulling.

Kissing is one thing. Bringing up past relationships is one thing. Pretending to love someone…it's just…well, sleazy is the only way she can describe it. It's sleazy. And that doesn't fit with her picture of Auggie, the trustworthy, loyal companion who is courteous and kind and always ready with a friendly smile or an encouraging speech.

And the worst part of it was his promise to end it as soon as he had the information. Like breaking a woman's heart as soon as possible was okay. Like that was supposed to make her feel better, knowing that as soon as he got what he came for he would leave her by the wayside, alone and heartbroken. She used to think Liza Hearn didn't have a heart, but this whole situation is like déjà vu all over again.

Knowing that he's been sharing his bed with her for at least a few weeks and that he can talk of dumping her so casually, so off offhandedly, makes her sick. "I'm running an Op on her." So simple. So easy. No emotions, no mess, no fuss, no concern over the woman whose love life he's toying with. How can he feel nothing for her? How can she not see that the person she let in is the only one who couldn't care less? How can she be so blind? Annie almost feels sorry for her, in that part of her heart left for kindred spirits and pitiful souls.

And then, after the whole nightmare with Natasha was over, the only thing she could look at was his firmly buttoned shirt and jacket, and even as she smoothed his collar, she swore she could see the hickeys, carefully hidden underneath.

The man who is sleeping with Liza Hearn is the man she swore never to get involved with again. And if this is who Auggie used to be before he got stuck behind the desk, she's rather glad she never knew him when he could see.

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**Review! Be nice - please?  
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**Yes, it is a bit "anti-Auggie," but Annie was upset over the whole incident.  
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	2. Shameful

**So, I really wasn't going to write anything else, and normally when I write a one-shot I'm done. But then Azurite wrote a review and asked for another chapter, or fic, possibly from Auggie's POV. And I started writing. :) Honestly, I'm not sure if it is completely true to his character, since I feel like I understand Annie more than I understand Auggie. But I'm so in love with the first line that I decided to post it anyway, after about two days of debate :)**

**So if you hate it, it was Azurite's idea. And if you love it, it was all mine :) haha. Enjoy!**

**Spoilers for 1x07, Communication Breakdown**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Covert Affairs.  
**

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If he could look in the mirror and see his reflection, he wonders if he would recognize the man he's become. He once told Joan that he would do anything to get back in the field. And now here he is. But it's like a family reunion – you're all excited because you forget how much you hate everyone until you're actually there with them, and then there's no turning back.

He used to do this sort of thing without batting an eye. A kind of autopilot – the type of mission every young, good-looking man at the Agency was assigned. Meet, Seduce, Uncover. The three step process to any covert intelligence gathering that didn't involve a willing volunteer spilling secrets. He couldn't count on one hand the number of women he'd dated in order to plant a bug or steal a file. He wasn't even sure he could add up fingers and toes. Not that all of them were as complicated as Tash and Liza. No – most were easy. Mindless lunch dates, going out for drinks. Maybe even a kiss or two, but nothing complex. Nothing difficult.

And now…Now he smiles at a woman who is trying to destroy his employers. Now he feels his brain actually considering her wild schemes. Just for a moment. But it is a moment that terrifies him. This isn't how an op is supposed to go. It's supposed to be easy, especially for a trained veteran in this line of work. And it would be, if he could poke through her computer while she was asleep in his bed after a night of…well, passion. Or, at least, imagined passion. But he can't see those files that she has under lock and key. He can't read the names or addresses of her sources. And so it drags on, flirt by flirt, night by night, piece of removed clothing by piece of removed clothing.

He said he'd give anything. And now he has. His love, his friendships, his integrity. He lost it all for one last chance at an adrenaline rush and bragging rights to a closed case.

He'd been so proud of himself. At his idea, at the casual way he "accidentally" met up with her. At the "slip of the tongue" that let her know he worked at the CIA. He'd been on the top of his game. Not even Jai could do better. Not even Past Auggie. He actually said, one night, with Liza sleeping in his bed, "Look who can't do field work now." And then one whispered sentence from a friend he still hardly knew had brought his childish high crashing down.

_"James Bond was a lonely, sad, old man."_

James Bond never had a chance with any of those pretty girls that starred in one movie, and one movie only, before meeting their deaths. Because they thought he cared for them. They sacrificed everything for him because he made them believe he felt something other than vague interest and lust.

And the one woman who put her trust in him so completely was now equating him with a man who twisted words and pulled heartstrings to get what he wanted with no thought to the consequences.

Annie. How could he explain this to her, so green, so idealistic? She had asked him how dirty she was going to get, and the answer he had given her had been no answer at all, because there was nothing really to say. He was so covered in mud that he wasn't sure anyone could tell the difference between him and the dirt he had thrown himself in. He remembers the way she talked to him, like he was some pure, separate entity, untainted by the mess of the CIA and their protocols and rules.

He almost wishes he was still pure. Still clean. His body screamed to be put back into the mud, so unused to the feeling of the sun on his skin.

But he misses the smile in Annie Walker's voice when she greets him in the morning with a coffee and a compliment.

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**Review! Let me know what you think!**


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